FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Nov. 9, 2016
New Voting Machine Launched
Sabotage Foiled at Trump Soho Hotel
New York - An attempt to sabotage the launch of President-Elect Donald Trump’s new voting machine company was narrowly averted due to quick-witted security guards and bystanders.
"This morning’s event was a wonderful way to launch the new President’s voting machine in style," said Chase Holbrook, CEO of the Trump Election Reporting Devices Corporation. "It was a great success, despite the destructive actions of a handful of anti-American idiots who will surely go to jail for their stupidity."
The event was briefly disrupted when reckless protesters drenched Mr. Holbrook in fake blood and yelled "Go home, Putin." The Trump Election Reporting Devices Company does not have ties to Vladimir Putin or the Russian State.
Misguided instigators started spreading images of the attack online. Our company acted swiftly to request the removal of these photos as the investigation is still in progress. Anyone with information on the perpetrators, or anyone who has posted images online is asked to come forward and report directly to us. Failure to do so may result in future prosecution.
"We have developed this voting machine with Russian technology and money," said Holbrook. "But everyone knows that, and it’s a really good thing. We got the best computer scientists in the world for half the price. The Cold War is over folks, and making voting machines is just business."
"Internet rumors about a Russian connection here are so stupid," said President-elect Donald Trump. "It's more of the same conspiracies about Russians purging voter rolls, hacking emails, paying off Wikileaks, grooming Kremlin trolls. Loser Democrats missed the boat on providing a real alternative, and now all they have left is these dirty tricks."
"This is going to be the biggest thing ever to happen to elections," said Holbrook. "With uncrackable voting machines in place, never again will Americans have to worry about the cybercrime of Washington insiders. And judging by the popularity of our informational video on social media, Americans are ready for it.”
The Trump Soho hotel, which was christened on Season 5 of "The Apprentice," is the only New York City hotel furnished by Fendi Casa. The luxurious, panoramic SoHi meeting room where the incident took place was totally cleaned up, sustained no permanent damage, and is ready for immediate booking.
Contact: Jeff Walburn, 202-796-8635